yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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