In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
