hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
