dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
