You kept calling me your small dog last night.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
