I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
