so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
