i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
