i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
