woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
