dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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