im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
