you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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