My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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