i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
