just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
