I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
