she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
