Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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