I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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