Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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