Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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