How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
