My boss' voice literally gives me gas
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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