This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
