I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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