He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
