if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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