Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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