You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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