textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
