I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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