i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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