last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
