Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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