why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
