My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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