well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
