the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
