i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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