Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
