chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
