Me too!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
