I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
