I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
