JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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