I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
