i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
