so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
