Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
